Narrative

When things are hard it’s usually because they are unstable or uncertain. My tendency is to buckle down and barrel through the difficulties. For others, the pattern is avoidance and rumination over the unfairness of it all. Neither method works particularly well in the long term. When it comes to feelings, the piper will always need to be paid. I’m finally coming to terms with the simple fact that I must engage with the inevitable instability of life. In practical terms, this mostly means understanding that control is an illusion. And when I can let go in this way, everything is actually easier. On days like today, I feel peaceful and calm.

Practicing

Any quiet moment or contact with the world could be the homemade prayer your body speaks without needing to say a word. —James Crews, Endless Ways to Pray

Using my 50mm lens exclusively these days. I do not often take pictures with a wide aperture, preferring instead to include a bit more depth and detail in my images. But it’s part of an assignment for my year long online course to give it a try—that shallow depth where only a very small sliver of the frame is in focus. To be honest, I was feeling fairly rebellious about the assignment. I don’t really like to work to a prompt or anything that even remotely feels like homework. Still, I know I can be stubborn, and this blocks me from learning. So I gave in and walked around trying to see opportunities to use the 50mm lens at f1.4 or 1.8. It was a stretch, but I did it.