Pick-Your-Own

We planned to pick apples, but when we reached the orchard, the owners gave us the sad news. No apples this fall. The trees were affected by a spring frost that harmed the apples at a critical stage of growth. BUT. The flower field was full of beautiful dahlias. We’ve carried a large bucket and water and pruning shears with us everywhere this summer, and so, we were prepared to pivot from apple picking to flower picking. It was unseasonably hot today, up to 87 degrees. I approached the flower field with some trepidation since it was in a similar field on another hot and sunny day that I sustained a painful injury, an irritated spinal nerve. An injury that took 6 weeks to heal. I moved with care and made sure not to push myself too hard or too long, and I had a wonderful time. There were butterflies and bees everywhere. And my husband is the absolute best photography assistant. It’s not an easy thing to keep approaching the same subjects in different ways. It’s not really about seeing in a new way; it’s more about feeling the experience as though I was a beginner. Feels like the very first time. 

Narrative

When things are hard it’s usually because they are unstable or uncertain. My tendency is to buckle down and barrel through the difficulties. For others, the pattern is avoidance and rumination over the unfairness of it all. Neither method works particularly well in the long term. When it comes to feelings, the piper will always need to be paid. I’m finally coming to terms with the simple fact that I must engage with the inevitable instability of life. In practical terms, this mostly means understanding that control is an illusion. And when I can let go in this way, everything is actually easier. On days like today, I feel peaceful and calm.