Alignment
I’ve lived out of alignment for much of my life. Out of alignment with my true self. Shaped by the expectations of others. Skeleton literally curved to satisfy my own need for approval. Balanced precariously. Unable to orient myself. A body stuck in the fawn response (a cousin to the well-known fight, flight, and freeze). Center of gravity not balanced over my own feet. Not grounded in any way. Body tension that almost lifted me off the ground. Back pain, neck pain, feet pain. Digestive woes.
But now I am well on my way toward a healthy alignment. A knowledgeable physical therapist helped me to breathe my way into mobility. I spent a lot of time blowing into a kazoo, breathing to make a pinwheel spin, and blowing up a balloon over and over again. All to learn to create harmony so that my diagram and pelvic floor worked together.
Alignment.
A well-trained and kind counselor held up a mirror for me to see myself clearly so that I might become aware of the old patterns that no longer worked for me. To set boundaries and welcome all the parts. To heal old wounds.
Alignment.
Lifelong friends listened patiently and held space for me to change, even as the changes meant that I showed up differently for them.
Alignment.
My husband and my children supported me in ways both big and small. Plenty of times I overshot the mark, pulling us apart or smashing us together. All in pursuit of those overlapping, healthy circles the counselor described to me.
Alignment.
My favorite way to avoid discomfort is to intellectualize the problem. I tried many times and many ways to fix myself. But now I feel in my bones, I was never broken. This freedom is hard won, and still ongoing, but I can see progress every where I look. Have you ever taken pictures with a range finder camera? To focus, you line up two small boxes in the view finder. When you line those boxes up, stacked one on top of the other, the subject comes into focus and the picture turns out successfully. This is what I am trying to do in my life. Stack the pieces of myself.
In Alignment.