On Balance

Parenting is the hardest job in the world. As the mother of grown sons, I fully appreciate those competing voices in my head. The one that tells me to rescue my child and sacrifice myself for them and the one that tells me to help them build resilience and competence by taking on challenges. This process goes on across their lifespan and mine, even as I am in my sixties and they are grown men. We are always learning. Seeking balance so that we might be safe and secure, open to the joys of life, and able with withstand the sudden shifts and struggles.

Nothing to Prove

I had one of those weeks when a few things didn’t go my way. Someone backed into my car in a parking lot. There was a change in my health insurance that necessitated a change in my physical therapist. I circled around and around with self-doubt and my inner critic on all fronts. I wish things would ease up and I might find my way to confidence and not caring so much what others think. Just when it seems there is no clear path, I have a long talk with a friend and I am reminded of how it feels to be loved for simply being myself - not for what I do, or how much I help, or how good I am. But for simply being me.

Worth Waiting For

It’s too almost too hot and humid to take pictures outside, so I play around in my garage studio, where the light is soft and the mosquitos mostly leave me alone. I take pictures of fruit and vegetables from our CSA box, sweat running down my back as I try to hold still. I take digital images first. These are those. And then I mount the medium format film camera on the tripod, attach the cable release, and take the same pictures. Different lens, different focal length. Still sweating. The first one is a little busy. The second one, a little wacky. I can’t wait to see how the film versions compare, so you may see these photographs again.

I’ve been waiting my whole life for this. The opportunity to discover myself.

Out and About

I struggle to see pictures in black and white. I use my iPhone camera, set to black and white, taking snapshots to help train my eye, hoping to get a feel for which scenes and subjects will make for moving and evocative images. Landscapes are also not my strength, so this roll of film was a challenge—black and white and landscapes, mostly. I have some questions about tones, preferring the softness of a gentle sepia color to the starkness of straight up black and white. But I don’t have a consistent workflow to process film scans to produce those tones. At least not in the same way, with the same tones, so as to create a body of work with consistency and flow. So much to learn . . .

Beaver Dam, Caroline County, Virginia June 2023

Fallen Tree, Government Island, Stafford, Virginia, June 2023