I’ve been thinking a lot about something my physical therapist said to me. “I know you’ve been in unrelenting pain for years. I can feel it in your fascia and your muscles. And yet, when I first met you, I wouldn’t have suspected the level of your suffering. Your countenance is bright and sunny. I never would have guessed that you had chronic pain.” I breathe deeply because it’s a relief to have someone else see it, too. Someone to validate the pain I feel with simple everyday tasks like standing to make a meal or walking through the grocery store.
I wonder if it’s a gift. Being able to find joy even when I am in pain. Feeling gratitude for every little thing. Looking at the bright side. Setting my mind on all that is good and right.
And then I wonder if there is a price for trying so hard to deny the darkness. How many times in my life have I set aside my needs to make others happy? How many times have I pushed through pain, not wanting to impose on others? Too many to count.
I consider how I would like to fill the time and space of my life, the portion that remains. All I know for sure is that creativity is fundamental to my every day. Beyond that, I am open and curious about what the days may hold.
