Feeling deeply colors the storyline I create.
And this way of feeling sometimes overwhelms me. Photography as a practice gives me a break. It distracts me from fight, flight, or freeze. It helps me explore the same old stories, like I’m not good enough, and write new versions with alternate interpretations.
My self realization for 2021 — even though it’s way harder to speak my mind than to go along and make peace, it’s so worth it.
things to be skeptical about . . .
I find my basic nature more rebellious these days. So many assumptions, long-held, have turned out to be wrong or flawed at the very least. Everywhere I turn I am influenced and persuaded by marketing, targeted to people exactly like me. It’s not enough that I set a boundary or decline an offer or say No. I have to make these same decisions repeatedly, sometimes multiple times in the same day.
I’ve been considering the many sources that highlight the importance of a good night’s sleep. And I doubt that we need a scientific study to prove that we feel better after sleeping well. I think I should develop a regular sleep routine and I worry that perhaps I’m not getting enough good quality sleep. Doing a little internet search, I come across a podcast, Maintenance Phase by Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes, and an episode called, The “Sleep Loss Epidemic.” I am intrigued and so I dive into listening. I won’t ruin the story for you, but suffice to say, that conversation is all about debunking the shifty science behind the claim that there is a sleep loss epidemic.
Turns out, when I question the thought, and listen to my true self, I knew the answer all along.
I don’t need 8 hours of sleep. I’m peppy with only 7 hours. And yes, it would be helpful for me to develop some healthier habits, like walking upstairs and settling into bed, listening to Nothing Much Happens, bedtime stories for grown-ups. Rather than dozing off on the couch with the TV in the background. But worrying over sleep and setting up more rules to strive for, more healthy habits to feel badly about not accomplishing, just doesn’t seem to be the fix. Maybe it’s alright to listen to my body, to simply love taking care of myself, and to extend kindness to everyone.
After all, we’re all doing our best.
because we both love the journey,
not lost, but exploring,
because you gave me my first camera,
and kept teaching me
even when it seemed I’d never learn,
and an unwavering kind of support
for all these years,
sitting next to you, just the two of us,
I sigh deeply,
secure in
your love.
everyone puts their own little piece of themselves into this work . . . Wreaths Across America
