For much of my life, I wanted to live in a 50’s sitcom – Leave It To Beaver, Father Knows Best, or Andy Griffith in Mayberry. I loved how the parents were always so calm and every problem was resolved by the end of the 30 minute show. Life in those homes seemed so safe.

As a little girl I learned to take care of others, to make peace, to always try my hardest to do my best. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice, my sense of self. The fear of disapproval, rejection, or anger kept me on a straight and narrow path. But the path grew to feel like a prison.

And the need to be perfect, constrained my photography. I’m not sure if it was because I couldn’t find my way to my own voice or if I was simply afraid, but regardless, I contented myself with mimicking the work of photographers I admire. This is certainly a valuable way to learn, but it is a place to move through not a place to live.

The little girl inside of me still tries to run the show from time to time. I tell her to get her little self out of the way so my big self can stride forward. The places I live now are much messier than those 50’s television shows, and my pictures reflect this truth.  I respect myself, and I have important work to do.

Day 61

Day 61