freedom

It’s my nature to be all-or-none. Sometimes this is a good thing. Motivation, discipline, and drive can be real assets. But, trying to do too much, to master too many goals, can also be exhausting and overwhelming. I don’t know exactly why, but I seem to operate with only two signals, green for go and red for stop

Learning moderation and balance has not come easily to me. For example, I started this year with a mile-long list of goals . . . ideas for healthy habits and routines. January 1st, I came out of the gate strong, checking items off my to-do list. It’s only January 4th, and I’m ready to throw the calendar and the planner in the trash bin. For an hour or so, I felt defeated, ready to give up and give in, already. But my overall goal is really one of self-care, and this involves setting things right by doing the hard work that needs to be done – not distracting myself or hiding or running from the thing that needs doing.

Here I am. Finding balance.  

Maybe I don’t have to give up on social media. I can set limits. I think I’ll try to keep Sundays reserved for Digital Detox. No social media, blogging, surfing, texting, emailing.

Maybe I don’t have to take and post a picture on this journal. Every. Single. Day. I think I’ll post when I have something to share, when I feel like it. Maybe it would be okay to have no specific schedule for posts and just enjoy the process as it unfolds.

Maybe I don’t have to commit to doing yoga every day AND taking a short run AND making dinner at home AND going to bed on time AND clearing out my Inbox. Maybe I can pick one thing, one new habit and work on that for a month, and then add the next new habit. This month, I’m working on daily yoga and stretching. This is a priority because I have chronic low back pain that has the potential to interfere with my daily activities (especially photography). A single 30-Day Challenge per month is enough.

It’s easy enough to lose sight of the freedom I have. I continue to function in old patterns which required accomplishment and achievement and busyness and striving for more and better. But this isn’t really true anymore. Instead, I am free to rise strong by yielding, slowing down, and choosing wisely.

Because I do believe that we’re enough as is. That aside from our contributions and our usefulness, we still have worth. And sometimes, it takes pushing those things aside for a moment, by choice or by necessity– inhale–and see that you’re not dead without those things. You’re actually just fine.
— Rebecca Parker Payne
AmericanFlag_decorated_with_lights_0004.jpg