seeing shades of gray

One of the blessings of a long life is self-knowledge. The longer we live and learn the better we come to know ourselves and the more grace and goodness we can give.

For as long as I can recall, I’ve been prone to all-or-none thinking and action.  Black and white.

And now, ironically enough, when my hair is gray, I am seeing shades of gray.

Life events are rarely ‘completely disastrous’ or ‘absolutely wonderful,’ but instead a mixture of both good and bad elements.

Needing to do things perfectly – as in ‘go big or go home’ – can get in the way of doing anything at all.

Seeing life in black and white oversimplifies things and this can create wild emotional swings.

I am grateful that I’ve not known the depths of depression, but I’ve surely known the anxiety that accompanies high energy, drive, motivation and discipline. Too much of a good thing can be unhealthy. I love the emotional stimulation of experiences, conversations, and relationships, but I also recognize that I sometimes spin out of control, like a top wound too tightly. It could be time I started doing with less.

It’s not more happiness I need, it’s more calmness. And more gray.